Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
