DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
