end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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