I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
