We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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