and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
