it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
