Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
