Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's never too late to be topless.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
