i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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