i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
