Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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