Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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