He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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