What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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