You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
