508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize