I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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