Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
