I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize