Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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