if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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