worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
