Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
