she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
