whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
