You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
