I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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