Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
