he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
