After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
