Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
