from now on my penis is your penis
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
