I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
