Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
