I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
