What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
