Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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