I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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