My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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