You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
