Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
