I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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