low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
