I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
