If that was your dad, he is hot
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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