he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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