somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
