how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
