3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
