My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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