I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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