Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
