You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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