man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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