Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
