So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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