i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
