Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
