I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
