that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
