I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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