I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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