You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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