is your mom at the bar?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need to calm my uterus...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
