I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
