2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
