covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
