you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Alive.
So much puke
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
