Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
