I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
