Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
