If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
